Narrowing the Gender Gap: Where Should We Meet?

The gender gap, or the difference in success that women find versus what men find, is smaller than what it was 20 or 30 years ago. For example, marriages are more egalitarian than they have been in the past. Though I am very conservative in many ways, I think that is very happy. It is happy for women who are not domineered and happy for men who get more meaningful relationships as they treat their wives as the equals they are.

Narrowing the gender gap implies men and women are becoming more similar. How is that happening? Are women adopting characteristics and benefits previously associated with men, or are men adopting characteristics and benefits previously associated with women? Or are some negative stereotypes of one gender becoming more common in the other and vice versa? To what central point is the gender gap closing, and does that point put men and women in a happier place than they were before?

Women now have some benefits that were previously much more accessible to men, such as increased legal and economic standing. Conversely, what if men could more fully enjoy some benefits currently enjoyed much more by women? I am talking about the blessings of parenting.

Moms (and other women with nieces and nephews etc.) tend to make their kids a very high priority. And while parenting is sometimes an arduous duty (as opposed to simple "rights" that can be exercised or not), the blessings are rich. Parenting brings excitement, learning, humility, laughter, sweet peace, and connection to God. Helping men to more fully enjoy these benefits won't come wholesale or with a vote, but can come one by one. I think it takes something special to achieve it though, because as I mentioned before, parenting is of course really hard sometimes.

Some think it is crazy that women would choose to go through the difficulties of mothering a child, and even crazier to have many children. But as I discussed, the blessings are great--these mothers believe that getting to know sweet souls and partnering with God in raising them is worth the hardship. I believe men can have these same blessings. What hard things might men do to achieve these blessings?

It is easy for a man to say, "Yeah I think women should be able to get abortions, their bodies are their own." It is harder to decide with your wife that you will dive into parenthood, without looking back and being fully devoted to supporting your wife and child through the good times and the bad times. This less individualistic attitude can seem troubling if the ultimate goal of society is to minimize individuals' pain in this life, but I believe it is necessary in order to create families that are fully united.

It is easier to say in a marriage that each spouse can make his or her career as high a priority as he or she wants than to unitedly make a plan about how your family can be as happy as possible. And then executing that plan may involve the additional difficulty of showing full willingness to help with kids so that your wife can work and serve in her uniquely individual ways, and it may involve giving up some of your uniquely individual desires in order to desire and achieve even better things together. Perhaps the hardest but most meaningful things dads can do involve giving loving care to a spouse or child who needs it (while needing care themselves), having faith times will get better, and finding peace as you rely only on Christ's love and power.

In my experience, doing these hard things is hard almost every day, but it is also quite pleasant and joyful every day. And on top of the small daily joys, it brings meaningful memories and deep bonds. Best of all, it strengthens my relationship with God, who I know loves my wife, baby, and me dearly.

Whatever the situation, I believe that God is the answer. He is as a "hen [that] gathereth her chickens under her wings"(Matthew 23:37) and remembers and loves us even more than a mother remembers "her sucking child" (Isaiah 49:15). Christ exemplifies the good qualities that we see in good men and women. So I believe that the direction men and women need to go is towards God. Regularly communicating with God has helped me to seek forgiveness and feel more peace with my family. So if you are reading this blog and you also credit God for the good in your family, I encourage you to acknowledge God more often, so that more men will find the reason and the joy in making family a priority. In this way, the unfortunate aspects of the gender gap narrow as fathers learn from mothers and God to more fully claim the blessings of parenting.