Respecting Religious or Moral-based Decisions in the Government and as Individuals

I am going to talk about how the Free Exercise Clause of the First Amendment currently works and how I think it should work, and I will relate that to how I think we should behave in our day-to-day lives.

Currently, the Free Exercise Clause prevents the federal and state governments from making any law that intentionally targets a particular religion. That particular standard started, or at least was made clear, when the Supreme Court said that Oregon could ban peyote smoking for everybody, despite the fact that it infringed on some Native Americans' ability to smoke it religiously. Since the purpose was not to attack that religion, it was okay that the law incidentally infringed on their religious practice.

Now I will explain how I think the Free Exercise Clause should work. (An alternative to changing the 1st Amendment would be for legislatures to provide defenses to the laws they pass, so that courts would not need to rely directly on constitutional provisions.) I will also note that many people think that this is how the Free Exercise Clause did work prior to the peyote case I mentioned. (If you are interested in the history, please comment and I will delightedly research and do another article on this!) So this is how I think it should work: the government should only limit a person's exercise of religion if they have compelling reasons and laws narrowly tailored to those reasons, even if the government did not intend to target any religious practice.

I prefer this system I just described of having protection against even incidental infringement, despite some challenges presented by that standard. Admittedly, more laws will be thrown into question since the government will unintentionally infringe on the practices of religions more than it intentionally infringes on them. And of course we can’t let someone merely say they have a religious belief and let them off. But religious practice could be treated much as other defenses, like insanity or lack of the requisite intent (the defense of “I didn’t mean to!” for intentional murder). Those defenses are usually handled by juries hearing testimony by various witnesses, including the defendant if he chooses to testify, and deciding if the person’s defense is sincere or not. Sometimes the system will decide incorrectly, but it may be the best option for deterring bad behavior while taking into account the many different circumstances and conditions that people have. And if the government can show that a law is narrowly tailored to a compelling reason to infringe on certain religious beliefs (meaning that society would go into chaos if all requests for special protection were granted) then the government could still enforce that law regardless of the religious belief.

While I don’t get my way concerning what the government does, I can at least conform my personal behavior to the respectful standards that I think the government should follow. I can do more than just avoid attacking the beliefs of others; I can try to be actively aware of how I may be pressuring others against their conscience. I could even show interest, appreciation, and love for the sincere beliefs of others.

Christ will always see and be grateful for when people act on moral conviction, and sooner or later will lovingly correct them when they are misguided, so in that sense those acting on religious conviction do not need to worry too much about how other people or the government treats them. But it would be nice if we could be like Christ and also respect the religious convictions of others.

For example, some media or politically incorrect language may be acceptable to me, but somebody else may feel deeply uncomfortable with it. Instead of saying “that’s silly” or “it’s not a big deal” or “there is nothing wrong with that,” a more respectful response may be “I totally understand not being comfortable with that, I should say ____ instead,” or I could just change the subject or media if I think that person would like that.

Another area where respect is important is how a person spends her time. An invitation usually makes the recipient feel loved, but before pressuring too much we should remember that often a person does not want to spend time in a certain way because of a sincere belief that they need to spend their time in another way. This comes up as a husband and father a lot; there are unlimited opportunities for me to serve it seems, and I hope my decisions about how I balance in-family service and socializing with out-of-family service and socializing can be respected, even if not fully understood.

Like with legal defenses, evaluating a person’s sincerity may be important to avoid abuse. I am grateful my wife gives me the benefit of the doubt in how I spend my time, believing that many things I do in an effort to please God. But if I were to be gone with friends all the time, for example, my wife may understandably want to talk with me about how sincere I am when I say I feel obligated to be away, and about whether I understand her needs and the obligations she is trying to fulfill.

For the most part, however, people err in the other direction, not explaining their moral reasoning for a certain action until it weighs heavily on their minds. So I think the best default is to take a person's claim of religious or other moral belief at face-value and let them off the hook for perhaps violating a social norm or otherwise acting in a way we find disagreeable. And if we do that personally, I think our democratic government is likely to follow suit.

Cómo Siento Paz

Cuando yo experimento dolor, estrés o cualquier sentimiento negativo, tengo varios recursos para sentirme mejor, y estos recursos funcionan consistemente. Explicaré cuatro: ir al templo, participar de la Santa Cena, estudiar El Libro de Mormón y orar.

Ir al Templo y Participar de la Santa Cena

Dos recursos me funcionan prácticamente sin fallar: ir al templo y participar de la Santa Cena. El templo es un lugar donde miembros de La Iglesia de Jesucristo de los Últimos Días hacen ordenanzas (actos especiales que acompañan a convenios), como el matrimonio. Creemos que esas ordenanzas tienen que hacerse en el templo porque allí está la autoridad de Dios y de los cielos, mientras algo como el matrimonio que se hace en un lugar normal tendría efecto sólo en la tierra y no en los cielos. La Santa Cena es la manera en que renovamos y recordamos la ordenanza del bautismo, la manera en que nos limpiamos de pecado y que mostramos que somos fieles a Jesucristo. Comemos pan (o un Cheerio o cualquier otra cosa para los que no pueden comer trigo como yo) para recordar el cuerpo que Jesucristo dió por nosotros y tomamos agua para recordar su sangre. Siempre que pienso en Jesucristo mientras participo de la Santa Cena, siento algo muy fresco y feliz.

Pictures from ChurchofJesusChrist.org

Anoche estaba con mi hija y mi esposa en los terrenos alrededor del templo, y mi esposa me preguntó por qué me gusta el templo, me puse a pensar y le dije que es porque siento alivio al miedo del fin de mi propia vida y las de mis seres queridos. Recientemente, he estado con personas mayores con problemas de salud, y eso me hace pensar en la muerte. Cuando estoy en el templo, puedo sentir que mis seres queridos y yo podemos estar juntos con Dios después de esta vida. Mi esposa dijo que a ella le gusta que en el templo ella puede dejar atrás los estreses del mundo.

Tal vez por razón de que estas cosas no se hacen todos los días, o porque requieren que estemos en un lugar especial, estas dos ordenanzas (ir al templo y participar de la Santa Cena) siempre me ayudan, sin fallar.

Estudiar El Libro de Mormón y Orar

Estudiar El Libro de Mormón: Otro Testamento de Jesucristo y orar son actos que me ayudan, siempre que los haga con verdadera intención, es decir, con un deseo sincero de acercarme a Dios. Tener verdadera intención no es imposible, solo requiere que mi corazón esté blando y abierto a consejos y sentimientos de Dios. El Libro de Mormón habla sobre la doctrina de Jesucristo, y cómo se enseñó a los antiguos habitantes de las Américas. Al inicio del libro se relata la historia de una familia que cruzó el mar para llegar a las Américas. El resto no relata mucho sobre matrimonios, pero hay un tema de padres que desean que sus hijos, y su posteridad en general, reciban el Evangelio. Adicionalmente, yo he visto que cuando aplico los principios del libro, me relaciono mejor con mi esposa y con mi hija.

Muchas de las experiencias espirituales más grandes que tenemos llegan cuando somos humillados por pruebas y clamamos por ayuda. Pero la verdad es que aún cuando nuestra vida sea buena o tranquila, puedo conectarme con Dios aislandome un momento para alejar mis pensamientos un poco del mundo y poder comunicarme con Dios.

Una noche esta semana yo estaba teniendo pensamientos negativos sobre muchas personas y pensé que la noche iba terminar mal. Oré para poder cambiar mi actitud y tener una mejor noche. Al terminar mi oración, sentí como me alejaba de lo negativo, fui a platicar y leer Harry Potter con mi esposa, y terminamos teniendo una muy buena noche.

Aún cuando los problemas son tan grandes que se necesita ayuda profesional, o heridas o enfermedades que requieren el tiempo para sanarse, el estudiar El Libro de Mormón y el orar nos pueden dar ideas para enfrentar los problemas en una mejor manera, y podemos tener paz en saber que Dios desea que sintamos su amor. 

Una vez cuando estaba en Guatemala como misionero, había un problema que me preocupaba y con el que había luchado por mucho tiempo. Oré, y vino a mi mente una escritura que dice “Arrepentíos, arrepentíos y sed bautizados en el nombre de mi Amado Hijo.” Aunque mi problema no desapareció, me dió ánimo para seguir arrepintiéndome. Como cuando somos muy pobres y un poco de dinero parece una bendición, a veces solo un recuerdo de una escritura es suficiente para seguir en buenos espíritus. Y si seguimos fieles, tengo fe que Dios quitará toda pena y nos dará ricas bendiciones eternamente.

How bout a girl who's got a brain . . . who always speaks her mind?

One of my favorite lines from the movie Mulan is when Mulan adds to the men's list of desirable wife-qualities "how bout a girl who's got a brain . . . who always speaks her mind?" to the increasing disapproval of the men around her. This article is about how we shouldn't always speak our minds, and despite the humor and truly unbeatable thrill of discussing gender differences, I think these principles apply equally to men and women.

Linda K. Burton gave a talk that influenced what I aim for in marriage. She asked some probing questions, and I will list the two that were most memorable for me: "When was the last time I stopped myself from saying something I knew could be hurtful? . . . When was the last time I chose to be happy rather than demanding to be 'right'?"

While I ultimately want to have perfectly loving thoughts, it is helpful for me to recognize that I may have rude or judgmental thoughts, on a daily basis. Furthermore, I will not get any closer to having only loving thoughts if I allow myself to spout all the negative thoughts that I currently have.

Somehow this has to be combined or balanced with a principle that I learned over and over again with missionary companions and told myself I would not forget: communication solves problems. Perhaps what I need to keep in mind with this principle is that I am a child of God and so is the person I am solving a problem with. So if one person is repeatedly saying something unkind and untrue, like "you are boring" or "you are worthless," perhaps one could say, "I feel sad when you say I am boring, I am not, did you know I have dozens of unique moles?" The "I feel" language is some standard advice I have heard for making communication less accusatory.

In economic terms, words may have increasing and then diminishing marginal terms. A business might increase its per hour production for awhile as it learns to produce better and obtains well-suited capital (people and equipment). But there will come a point where it becomes less worth it to produce more, perhaps because resources are getting low or there are too many people in the conference room or in the factory. With me, my amount of communication with mission companions may have been low enough that I was not learning enough about them. I could have communicated what was hard for me more, and though it would have been hard to be told that I was not giving them enough credit or respect, I could have benefited from some companions saying "I feel like you think I don't care about missionary work and obedience, but I do, we just disagree on some of the details."

On the other hand, with my wife, especially earlier on in our marriage, I may have talked too much and listened too little. And really there have been times when we both talk too much, and the resources of sleep, love demonstrated by actions, and thoughtfulness are low enough that the marginal benefit of each word starts to become negative. There are also times when I am stewing in silence and a few kind words to lighten the mood or change the subject could go a long way.

Little children are a good example of showing lots of love with few words.

Jesus set the perfect example of when to speak and when not to. He rebuked even when it was unpopular, and when he was falsely accused and attacked in His final days, He maintained silence rather than using His power to fight back. He spoke careful words of comfort in times of need and taught what the people needed to hear. In the home-centered, church-supported program that The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints has, this week's lesson is about the final persecution Jesus suffered. I think we can find this balance in communication as we deeply feel God's love independent of what we or others might say. We can learn to be balanced in our interactions through Jesus's example.

Finding A Job

I have found that basic hard work goes a long way. Hard work is something I learned from my parents. They gave me chores, the most consistent ones being vacuuming the stairs, a weekly night of doing the dishes, taking out the trash, and during the summer, weeding the garden. I do not have particularly fond memories of any of those things; it was more fun to sit around with family. But I am grateful that I learned to work.

How can the principle of work that we learned as children help us to be successful in providing for and nourishing our families?

I know I am making a really big stretch to try to understand and incorporate and apply some scriptures from Isaiah, but Jesus said that "great are the words of Isaiah," so I figure it is worth the attempt. The verses, as recorded in the Book of Mormon, say  "a man shall nourish a young cow and two sheep; and it shall come to pass, for the abundance of milk they shall give he shall eat butter; for butter and honey shall every one eat that is left in the land."

The principle I take from this is that steady work, even with small means, can bring a lot of blessings. This goes along with the scripture that says that "by small and simple things are great things brought to pass; and small means in many instances doth confound the wise." My experience in job-searching also supports this principle.

Looking for jobs was the hard part of law school. I found the classes, reading, and sometimes even writing, to be enjoyable. However, searching for my first summer, second summer, and post-graduation jobs was time consuming, monotonous and frustrating. But the simple work of sending out applications at any chance, and at least a few each week, I got a few interviews and then jobs. I consistently struggled to exude enough confidence in interviews, but with practice that improved.

I failed to get certain big firm or clerkship jobs that I applied to, and had to adjust my aim sometimes, but the new aim worked out to be better than what I thought I wanted. I know everybody has their own uniquely painful failures, and I hope for comfort for you in yours.

While working, my bosses sometimes seemed happy with my work, sometimes not. My most pleased boss expressed gratitude that I was reliable. I think she had a lot of experience with people just not showing up, or not working while at work. That did not come from a fancy law school principle, but just from the basics that my parents taught me, and believing that even when my boss is not looking, God is watching and expects my best effort.

Now I am going to work for a small salary for a year or two, but am living with family for a bit, and they have much more butter and honey than my wife and I buy, so I am confident that things will work out. I think it would be cool to someday have my own criminal and immigration practice, and hope that these principles will let me have flowing butter and honey! : ) I would love to hear your practical or spiritual thoughts on this.

"Enjoy it while you can!"

People often say "enjoy it while you can." I suppose in high school I recall being told to prepare and not just enjoy life, but in college I was told "enjoy school, work is not that great." Then "enjoy your mission, when you do not have worldly responsibility and can just be spiritual," "enjoy being single, when you can date and have fun," "enjoy marriage while you don't have kids, it all changes with kids," and now "enjoy this phase of your child's life, it is way worse when they are teenagers."

I have started to join the ranks of urging enjoyment. Of the above statements, the one that rings true the most to me is to enjoy marriage before children (one of the perks of not having premarital sex is you do have at least some married time without children to focus on just helping each other). I love my daughter and her sweet spirit in a deep, spiritual, emotional, and otherwise special way -- I also like alone time with my wife, and our daughter limits that. I find myself wanting to tell our couple-friends who don't have kids that they should rejoice in every evening that they have -- enjoying alone time that my wife and I cherish ecstatically and work hard to achieve. I also want to tell young whipper-snappers to enjoy their perfect health - high energy with only 6 hours of sleep. (As a 26-year-old I am semi-teasing of course, but I have had tummy troubles recently and do not have high energy on low sleep.)

But isn't it a bit ironic (I hesitate to say "hypocritical" about a group I am part of) that whoever says "enjoy it while you can" is wistfully thinking of another time in their life, not enjoying their current phase of life? As I reflect on the glories of my past less-busy and more-healthy self, even while allegedly hoping that my friends will enjoy those phases while they can, I feel a bit gloomy. And I have found that I can instantly feel much happier if I live in the exact present, perhaps by looking out the bus window with a sense of gratitude and reverence, literally stopping to smell flowers, making my daughter smile, or doing whatever my wife would most like me to do in that moment (which is conveniently usually making my daughter smile).

So basically I think the words of the phrase "enjoy it while you can" are spot on, and so I will try to just immediately implement the advice when it comes and set aside my judgment and annoyance (except for during the occasional blog article).

Isn't reflection valuable though? And can't looking forward to the next phase of life be appropriate optimism? I believe in what Thomas S. Monson, former president of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, said: "The past is behind, learn from it. The future is ahead, prepare for it. The present is here, live it."

cc

It is amazing how spot on this quote is for me. 

When I am thinking about the past in a way that is not purposeful learning, it seems to always make me gloomy. I have had some sweet times chatting with my wife about mourning the passage of time and about future worries, but those are good experiences because I am getting help to turn that gloom into learning and to avoid so much gloom in the first place. I am happy to say that I do not mourn the passage of time as often as I used to, and hence do not need as many of those pep talks. But when necessary, some talk and reflection with somebody trying to help me feel happy in the present is helpful.

My wife and I do enjoy thinking about the future even when it is not pure preparation, but that is probably enjoyable because it is purposeful "present" bonding with my wife to talk about the future, and usually there is some element of preparation to it. When my random babble turns into discussing the glories of our next phase of life, I am often stopped by my baby daughter's shrill expressions of her present needs. Or I realize that my time to get ahead on homework just disappeared. 

Well anyway, I better end this reflective blog so I can enjoy the present! I wish you the best in your efforts to "enjoy it while you can."