In this article, I am going to give ideas, besides just having a name, to deal with the heavy-worry-in-your-chest panicked feeling that I have called anxiety. I have come up with these ideas mostly in contexts that involve decision-making, though I think the ideas also apply to other anxieties as well, such as the anxiety that I sometimes have about catching a cold or COVID-19 at a time when I am planning to see at-risk people.
My ideas fit into the mnemonic PEP-Talk: Pray, Exercise/Energize, and Planning & Talking. I will now go through each of these in detail.
Pray
I sometimes have found myself thinking "I feel so stressed about this decision. I can't wait for my evening prayer so I can feel some peace." A talk by President Henry B. Eyring helped me to see I should immediately pray. He talks about how resistance came when Joseph Smith (a prophet of God) was about to pray. I have also found that things come up stopping me from praying when I most need to. This is what President Eyring said:
“To me, an important lesson comes from Joseph’s response to Satan’s assault as Joseph knelt to pray.
I know from experience that Satan and his servants try to make us feel that we must not pray. When Joseph Smith exerted all his powers to call upon God to deliver him from the power that tried to bind him, his prayer for relief was answered and Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ appeared.
Satan’s attempt to thwart the beginning of the Restoration was so severe because Joseph’s prayer was so important. You and I will have smaller parts to play in the ongoing Restoration. Yet the enemy of the Restoration will try to stop us from praying. The example of Joseph’s faith and his determination can strengthen us in our resolve.”
I've known for a long time that I can and should call out to God in my heart anytime, in public or private. But I have been blessed by seeking private refuge and prayer more immediately than waiting for my routine prayer. Often, I immediately feel great peace. Other times, I feel some peace. Sometimes, the answer to my anxiety about making a decision can be solved by making a decision. Other times, I need to wait until I have more information before I can make a decision. It is hard to wait patiently, but with practice I believe I will improve.
Exercise
I think exercise is pretty standard advice for anxiety. I'll just add that, though a regular time is probably best, if you struggle to exercise regularly, try just breaking into silly dance when you're anxious. My wife has come up with a fun spirits-changing song that might accompany your silly dance: "I…...feel…...gloomy! Gloomy! Ohhhh I feel gloomy" with a banjo twang. Feel free to substitute "anxious" for "gloomy."
Another connected e-word is Energize. While acting perkier than I feel often doesn't break me out of an anxious situation, when the hard situation inevitably ends, I am grateful when I manage to prove that I can be uplifting to others even when I am facing a difficult situation.
Planning and Talking
Planning and talking (usually to myself or with my wife) are very broad ideas that I use to find an appropriate approach to the details of each anxiety-inducing situation. Different situations may call for very different approaches. I will give an example where I think the best approach for me was to further pay attention to anxious feelings and base decisions on them, and an example where the best approach for me was to further dismiss my anxious feelings.
I used to stress and feel guilt about media like movies and t.v. shows, not knowing what media was perhaps damaging my sensitivity and ability to feel the Holy Spirit. Missionaries for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints generally do not watch any movies or t.v. shows, or at least their standards for what is appropriate are very high. So during my 2011-2013 mission to Guatemala, I didn’t watch any movies or t.v. shows, and consequently I did not stress about related decisions. Upon returning to the United States, I decided to continue with a standard of pickiness regarding media that was so high that it kept anxiety-inducing borderline movies out of the picture. At some point I found a scripture to relate my feelings of freedom that I have from former feelings of anxiety on the topic of movies, and I re-experience the joy of conquering this anxiety-inducing situation each time I read it:
“Adam fell that men might be; and men are, that they might have joy.
And the Messiah cometh in the fulness of time, that he may redeem the children of men from the fall. And because that they are redeemed from the fall they have become free forever, knowing good from evil; to act for themselves and not to be acted upon, save it be by the punishment of the law at the great and last day, according to the commandments which God hath given.
Wherefore, men are free according to the flesh; and all things are given them which are expedient unto man. And they are free to choose liberty and eternal life, through the great Mediator of all men, or to choose captivity and death, according to the captivity and power of the devil; for he seeketh that all men might be miserable like unto himself.
And now, my sons, I would that ye should look to the great Mediator, and hearken unto his great commandments; and be faithful unto his words, and choose eternal life, according to the will of his Holy Spirit;” -2 Nephi 2:25-28
In some sense you might say I believed, or treated as valid to some extent, my anxious feelings in this media situation. I found a solution for myself that has made those anxious feelings disappear for years. Now, if you read this and are just left wondering what exact standards are the ones that will leave you never wondering, then you might be an anxious person like me who I am hoping to help with this article. So follow these principles--talk to yourself and a loved one about some healthy standards that you feel are in line with God’s will, and pray about it. If you feel that you are still regularly coming across anxiety-inducing decisions, then talk and pray about a different plan to see if that works.
In another situation I felt anxious when somebody asked me to mark a form in a way that I felt was not entirely honest. The person asking was a well-meaning and honest person, but it seemed clear to me that I could not mark the form as requested and feel good about it. After counseling with my wife, I decided to talk openly with the person about my feelings. Though the initial chat was awkward, the result was that I was no longer asked to mark that form, and I felt much happier with that person after that.
On the other hand, sometimes I need to chat with my wife and get talked down from a perspective that something is required by morality. For example, I may be interpreting a work policy in an extreme way, or I may be insisting on continued repentance focused on a mistake that I really just need to leave in the past. In these situations, I am giving less credence to my feelings of anxiety.
Another way in which planning and talking has helped my anxiety is by role-playing scary unknown situations with my wife. The first days or weeks of new jobs are stressful for me, and I sometimes anticipate them with dread. Something helpful with my past few jobs has been brain-storming and sometimes practicing things I could say in response to dilemmas that arise when I feel that something I am being asked to do is not quite right. This makes upcoming jobs seem less unknown and reduces my fear.
Conclusion
Confronting my anxiety head-on, with innovative solutions, and with firm hope in Christ has helped me to love God more and to have better relationships with those around me. I know it can be discouraging, and that hope can seem very wispy at times. I hope you find these tips helpful, and I encourage you to remember to find power in making and keeping covenants (special promises to follow God, like through baptism) with God. Covenants and God’s power are firm, even when our minds are less so. Thanks for reading and please share any thoughts you have!
