Trying to Be A Good Dad for My Wife

I was brainstorming with my wife to do a blog article that would somehow inspire people. She mentioned a mom blog that once helped her to feel good about her efforts as a mom, so I decided to search a few dad blogs to get ideas. There were a few good principles I found, but I realized that for me it is hard to talk about the powerful emotions and motivations of parenting without centering the discussion on my wife. Happy wife, happy life, as I read in a friend's house.

So I will share a few things I have learned about helping my wife to be happy.

Alone Time with My Daughter
Outings with my daughter help her mama to have a break, and mama feels happy that I am bonding with our daughter. (On a selfish note, I will say that if you want to do a couple a favor,  ask if you can take their child on an outing; also, leaving her parents is sometimes necessary for her to connect with somebody else.) I have a tendency to start talking to Melanie, allowing my daughter to get more and more fussy, which doesn't bother me too much but stresses out Melanie. To combat this, I like to go outside or to our bedroom to play with my daughter. When Melanie was little, her dad took all three daughters on a vacation to his parents' place so that Melanie's mom could build shelves and do other projects she had been wanting to do. Though it seemed a bit sad to me to be left home from a vacation, when I asked Melanie if she would like something similar she quickly responded yes.

Alone Time with My Wife
Dates with Melanie make us feel remarkably like we did before our daughter. Perhaps it's sad/nostalgic that we sometimes aim to feel like we used to, but the mix of exciting times with our daughter and good old friendship times with just the two of us is nice. We enjoy time together with our daughter, but alone time helps us to appreciate all of each other's attributes.

All 3 Time
When I am with Melanie and our daughter, I have learned that she likes to interact directly with our daughter or talk about how wonderful our daughter is being in that moment. I can overcome my tendency to start focusing all my attention on talking about future plans and other things when I say a little prayer to see my daughter as God does. Then we all feel sweet peace.

Like I mentioned in the above section, I am capable of talking to my wife (or anybody) while my daughter is screaming, but Melanie is much more affected by our daughter's distress. So continuing to ramble while my daughter fusses results in a frantic wife, still fussy daughter, and not a particularly pleasant conversation. This situation reminds me of how the roommate with the lower tolerance for dirty dishes lying around leads to that roommate doing extra dishes. The nice thing for the roommate with higher tolerance to do is clean some dishes even when he is not bothered by the dirty dishes quite yet. Likewise, I should help my daughter even when her fussing is not particularly bothersome to me.

Time Together with Others
I think compliments to my wife or daughter are effective as quiet comments for just one to hear or for all to hear, as long as I am thinking about and semi-talking to the individual I am complimenting, rather than putting on a performance. While there is a risk of public compliments becoming awkward performances, I have several times felt tense around arguing couples who I later decide actually have a pretty good relationship. Perhaps our shyness and desire to avoid cheesiness go too far, leading to an overly negative image of our relationship.

Melanie does not like to forget that we have a child as we are chatting with other adults, crazy as that seems. So sometimes I need to help us break away from a conversation about politics or whatever it might be so that we (and hopefully the others we are with) can look at our daughter and interact with her. This shows our daughter she matters and makes her and my wife much happier.

Conclusion
I think a theme with making my wife happy as a husband and dad is focusing on one at a time, acknowledging her special worth and needs. Not sure if these ideas apply  to most wives or moms, or just to Melanie (though she has my vote as a representative for any group she is a part of). But helpful to me to process these thoughts and better implement them anyway: )

How does this relate to my typical theme of connecting religious, legal, and economic principles? I suppose that focus on family can only occur with laws that don't micromanage and an economy that doesn't require constant work and no family time. I think one of the best ways to help bring happiness to people is through setting a good example of happy family life. I have been blessed and am frequently encouraged as I think of the unfailing respect shown by my dad and other good men that I associate with.

I realize that I sort of set out to help dads or husbands to feel good about the good they are doing, and ended up just giving suggestions from things I have learned. Hopefully as we improve just a little in any one of these areas we can feel good about what we're doing! And maybe I will post some other time with more focus on helping self-esteem : )